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the alien


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two goodbyes in a day?
19 April 2008

Wild finally says goodbye today. His sickness has gotten the best of him. If only there's something that I could do.

I should have listened to my gut instinct last night. I should have brought him to my room. He should have slept with me.

There's no use in if only. He left with his final cry of help, his hand was reaching out for help. The only sign of him actually fighting to stay alive.

I can't go to see him being buried. I just don't know how to handle death. I miss the cat already.

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i wish i can make the phone invisible

I keep on looking at the phone, hoping for him to call me.

I keep on being asked about the times of going back to Melaka, and it reminded me of the times we spent time together.

Can someone please erase our memories?

I'm tired of crying these eyeballs out over the things that i remembered.

I keep on wondering if he will fight back or would he just stay in silence the way he did last year.

Deep down inside, I know the answer, I know that this is the end.

Am I strong enough to be without him?

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Love U All My Life (LUAML)

It's a hard thing to do, goodbyes, and it is even harder when it is you who I am saying goodbye to. The one who succeeds in capturing my heart and crushing it in many ways without even him knowing it, he is My Ordinary Boy, My Scar, My Fidzel.

Without even me realizing it, I lost him, along with the years of my unspoken love and the love he has kept for me. All is lost but the past where things were hectic and chaotic, tying us together. Today, I cut the string of past along with the many strings that has been broken through out the times. Five years of love down the drain, just like that.

I have always known that if we stayed together, we would never survive throughout the five years. We are too rebellious to stay as an item, too bad for both of us to master each others’ flaws. At this moment, it doesn’t matter anymore. I lost the battle, raising the white flag for the world to see. The tears are my friend. The emptiness of the heart is a pain. I have lost all that I treasured and is left with the very smell of his perfume wafting in and out of my memory along with the scar.

It is a hard thing to say goodbye but yes, I do love you throughout this second pain of permanent end. Six more days to go and I will be thinking of you with our memories. Hand in hand, I’ll say goodbye to the sunset, the moon and the stars that we have always loved.

Abdul Hafidzel @ My Ordinary Boy @ My Kevin Tucker @ My LUAML

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