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Arii 12 : Happy 100th Day
05 March 2009
I cry out in need for you to be here with me, to shower me with your love, to save me from this pain that has caused me deep misery and endless days of tears – but you were not there. You were away to heal a friend – endless friends who needs you each time I need you too. As always, they won the fight while my tears threaten to fall down my cheek but I refused their request. I would not let others see my pain, not even you.
Arii saw, listen and notice the havoc of her surroundings. Laughter, smiles and loud conversations carries in and out of her senses, but none heal her heart. She fought her tears every second, she plasters the smile that the world needs to see, and she creates a conversation to distract all. None saw the pain she held in her heart, the burden she carries on her shoulder, the need for her to have a person whom she can rely on, the aching for her boyfriend, it was clearly cleverly disguised. She succeeded to fool all. If only she can fool herself too.
xxx
Azry screams in anger.
“How disgustingly selfish can she be? I am there and she claims that I am not. When I tried to be by her side, she told me to leave and now she blames me for not being there?” His anguish thoughts stay with him through out his drive towards the hospital.
Right now he has other things to worry about – her selfishness can wait.
He’s tired of her constant changing demands. He’s tired of her accusations. He’ll just go with the flow for now. She will just have to be clear one day. He’ll wait for that day. That’s what he will do, wait and his attention was diverted by the huddles of his friends at the emergency room.
xxx
Aara sat beside her as she let her tears flow. No words need to be spoken; he is a part of her soul, her mind, her heart. He felt what she felt, he heard what she thought and he feels the pain of her soul.
She put the pills in her hand and looks at me. Even with my better judgment, she swallows it and told me to wait for the effect. Her chest starts to feel sharp pangs of pain, her nose dripping with fluid from her brain, tears rolling down her cheek, breathing is harder and her whole body turns a slight blue from the coldness she felt. She’s in peace, she said and I sighed.
She turns to her drawer where she kept her scissors and I hold her hand from reaching out. She looks probingly into my eyes and wonders. She nods and obeys for now.
“Let’s talk now,” she whispered as she covers her face with her handkerchief, pulled the blankets over her cold body and turn to face the empty wall where in her mind, I would sit and hold her hand while listening to her sobs and cries. We talked.
xxx
When will this ends? Whose ego would be lowered? Where is the understanding plane? Would it finally be cleared – the misunderstandings, the misconception, and the miscommunication? Or, would it be the end of a once hopeful relationship?
xxx
"Happy One Hundredth Day Azry. I will always love you," Arii mumbled as she drifts off to the drowsiness she waited for.
Labels: and as i speak my notes off..